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Written by Emily Cross.
14 minute read
Finding a way to process grief and death is a deeply personal experience that may require a period of reflection, time for healing, and different approaches as things change and evolve. For generations, people have found that turning to poetry has provided a sense of support and compassion at a time when they may feel isolated. Our guide is designed to talk you through various styles, tones, and approaches so that you may be able to find your own path forward.
As a provider of direct cremation services, we have the honour of helping people at many different stages of the grieving process. We hope that by combining our experience with a deep sense of understanding and compassion, we can help provide you with some sources of support that may help at this time.
Key takeaways:
Poetry has the power to lift you up, make you feel heard, and provide new ways of looking at the world. If you find that you want to explore this creative avenue a little further, you may find it helps to think about what inspires poets in the first place.
Some of the world’s most popular funeral poems have been written at a time when the poets themselves were confronting mortality and loss. They often explore universal themes like legacy, eternity, and remembrance in ways that use metaphorical language and symbolism to express feelings on a deeper level. Rather than simply describing an emotional situation, they typically aim to paint a picture that allows the reader to see themselves as part of the verse. This approach is one that makes poems some of the most moving forms of expression as well as the most powerful.
Poems help those experiencing grief process emotion and express sorrow by giving them something to reflect on, to think about, and to provide validation for their feelings. Some famous examples that you may wish to consider in your own time are:
Both poems are renowned for their lyrical and introspective qualities that allow the reader to feel a deeper sense of connection with the words on the page. The aim here is not to prescribe what you should read but rather to provide some insights into what other mourners have found helpful when navigating similar journeys.
There are non-religious funeral poems, there are poems with strong faith-based themes, and there are contemporary pieces that take a completely different approach. All are equally valid, but you may find it insightful to consider some of the most famous works so that you can gain a little more context about the genre.
Considering some of the classic poems often read at funerals or memorials may help you find something you can connect with. Popular choices that many families feel are appropriate include:
These works are just a few of the many examples that explore themes of eternity, farewell, and the human spirit. They have endured for generations because of their sense of compassion and their deep sincerity which many readers feel connects with them on a deeper level.
Just as there are stories about death that endure because of their symbolism and striking imagery, so too there are poetic lines that never seem to fade from public consciousness:
A combination of aesthetic beauty and emotional weight make these lines what they are, and it’s the way they speak a series of universal truths and convey universal feelings that may strike you in particular. Taking a moment to sit with each line and giving a little thought as to what you make of them may help you to find a new perspective on your current situation.
We all grieve in different ways and find ourselves at a wide array of different points during our healing journey. Finding a poem that feels appropriate for a particular point on your journey is something that you may find provides you with a welcome sense of support and emotional validation.
If you wish to mark the act of saying goodbye with a verse that speaks to you on a deeper level than you feel able to express with your own words, you may find these suggestions prove to be a useful starting point:
They both have a tone that is solemn and respectful yet hopeful in the sense that they convey the idea that more is yet to come. The memories you have of the person who has died, perhaps also the end to their suffering, may provide some sense of a silver lining at a time when the initial shock and level of grief may feel overwhelming.
As a family-run funeral provider that cares about offering support on a variety of levels, we believe there is a verse out there for everyone. You may find that a particular voice, a certain pace, or even a break from tradition talk to you in a way that no other poem has been able to. Perhaps you are someone unsure about the afterlife but you then find comfort in a poetic expression and description of where your loved one may be now. These types of journeys and realisations are typical of what you may be able to experience when you give yourself time and space to sit and reflect.
You may find that poems that have a soothing rhythm and spiritual undertones provide the greatest sense of comfort once you have moved beyond the initial shock and denial. Works that offer a chance for reflection and space to process how you are feeling have long been a popular choice for those who seek emotional closure.
“Miss me, but let me go” by Christina Rossetti talks about how letting go of a soul that is ready to leave is a natural step on the journey of life and how it may also help you to heal. It’s not about rushing or forcing yourself to make this step, but it is about realising when you are ready to take it and then finding support and inspiration when you need to.
Of all of the different symbols of grief we have encountered over many years, perhaps none is more moving than a verse that is read aloud when the moment is right. The feeling of being able to encapsulate a sentiment in just a few lines and then sharing it with your fellow mourners is something that has a real sense of emotional power and weight to it.
If you feel like you are ready and able to, you may wish to write poetry as a tool for personal mourning. The beauty of this approach is that it allows you to sit with your thoughts and put a little more distance between your current thoughts and the thoughts that will soon come. This is because you are forcing your mind to consider and inspect each thought at length so that you can find the choice of words that you feel does justice to what you are feeling.
Many find that free verse allows them to express how they feel in a way that is real, raw, and authentic without having to worry too much about the technical details. Traditional poetry — while beautiful and artistic in its own right — is something that may feel a little too restrictive at such an understandably emotional time, especially if you are not someone who writes regularly.
Lyric poetry often becomes a quiet outlet for grief, offering space for personal reflection and the gentle unpacking of emotion. Rather than aiming for perfect form or flow, you might find comfort in writing brief, scattered fragments: small windows into how you feel right now. Don’t rush. Allow yourself time to sit with your thoughts. That breathing space makes all the difference when trying to capture what really matters, without losing the meaning behind it.
The act of talking about death and dying, while often seen as a key part of the healing process, is something that many find hard to work through at first. This is perfectly understandable given what has happened and is never something you should feel judged for.
If you would like to open up but are unsure how to do it, you may find that reading death poems offers some space for spiritual reflection. The meditative effect of solemn language that is thoughtful, respectful, and compassionate is something that many people over the centuries have found a great sense of lasting comfort in. Even something as simple as memorising a verse and reciting it in your head at a time when you are struggling may help you feel validated and supported.
Knowing that someone you have never met — who you may have nothing in common with — actually understands the experiences you are going through right now may prove truly enlightening. The simple act of connecting with that person and seeing that what you are experiencing now is a universal part of life and the human condition may allow you to achieve a new sense of perspective and a renewed direction for your journey.
When you want to go about remembering a loved one, you may feel that the poem you choose needs to be perfect and timeless. Choosing a poem is a deeply personal journey that may extend across more than one of the five stages of grief, especially if you find that your outlook and state of mind change as the day of the service approaches.
You may find that considering how the person who has died was viewed by your fellow mourners provides a helpful starting point. From here, you could then move into what you want others to hear, how you want your loved one to be remembered, and what form their legacy should take in your eyes. This could mean a short verse of only a few lines or it could mean a lengthy excerpt from an epic poem that is centuries old.
The truth is that the right poem will present itself to you in a way that talks directly to you and makes you feel heard, validated, and cared for. Once you find such a piece, you will know that you want to share it with everyone else who is in attendance.
You may also decide that you want to see the service as a celebration of life and that by doing so you can figure out how to deal with grief in a way that allows you to look forward to the future. Writing your own poem can be a way to explore what’s ahead, to carry memories forward, and to honour the quiet truth that the person you’ve lost would have wanted. It doesn’t have to be polished or perfect. Think of it as a moment for personal reflection as much as for creative expression, a space to listen inwards and give shape to what you’re feeling.
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Alfred Tennyson, Emily Dickinson, and Christina Rossetti are all renowned for their writing about mourning, loss, and death. They have provided great comfort to generations of mourners, but this doesn’t mean that you should feel constrained to sampling only their work. Poetry is a diverse creative field with a little something for everyone, so you may wish to move at your own pace and gradually find writers who you feel an even deeper connection with.
Yes, generations of people have found poetry can help with their grief, not least of all because it allows them to sit and reflect on how they are feeling at any point in time. Taking the time to think about how you feel and then to find words that convey it on a deeper level is something that may help you to feel connected with the world around you. At a time when it is all too easy to unintentionally socially isolate yourself, connecting with a poet or writer may provide some degree of comfort and reassurance.
“Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep” by Mary Elizabeth Frye talks about how the person who has died lives on in the memories that they made with those who are still alive. “Because I Could Not Stop for Death” by Emily Dickinson is also widely read and takes a symbolic look at the nature and meaning of death with the aim of making it feel more real. There is also “Death Is Nothing At All” by Henry Scott-Holland which talks about death as just another step on the journey of life and creation and how it is neither a beginning nor an end.
Vivid descriptions of grief, symbolic imagery, and artistic language are all used in various forms across the genre, with the exact balance being determined by what the poet hopes to convey and achieve. “Death Be Not Proud” by John Donne is one such example and it follows a traditional 14-line structure popular during the time of the Tudors and Stuarts.
There is also “She Is Gone” by David Harkins which is contemporary in that it takes a celebratory tone that is focused more on remembering the achievements of the person who has died than mourning their death. Both approaches are equally valid and the beautiful thing about being aware of them is that you give yourself permission to explore new ways of thinking and reflecting on what has happened to you recently.
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