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Written by Emily Cross.
17 minute read
When someone you love dies, it’s understandable if you find that you are looking in many different places for ways to move forward. Sometimes it’s someone to talk to or time for yourself, and other times you may be left unsure of how to express your emotions in the first place. All of these situations are common and understandable. After all, grief can be seen as simply love, with nowhere to go.
In our experience offering direct cremation services, we have spoken to thousands of people about how to process their feelings of grief. Our goal is to listen, validate, and take something away that may help when we share it with others. The goal of this guide is to show you that grief poems may help you to open up and connect your words with your feelings.
We have written the guide so that you can read it in one sitting or dip in and out of it — the choice is yours and allows you to adapt based on how you feel. We hope that you find it helpful, supportive, and compassionate at a time when a new perspective may make all the difference.
Key takeaways:
Grief and funeral poems are a popular way to go about remembering a loved one, especially if you are someone who finds that taking the time to sit and reflect can help you. Knowing that you have the words of someone else in front of you and that you have given yourself permission to think them over, may allow you to achieve a sense of emotional release that may not have been possible otherwise.
Poetry serves as an emotional outlet during grief because each word has the potential to convey a deeper sense of meaning than a simple note, conversation, or even a work of fiction. For centuries, those who are grieving have found that verse has the power to soothe, comfort, and heal the soul on a variety of different levels.
Many also cite the therapeutic and symbolic nature of poems for mourning by highlighting how they can introduce new ways of thinking into their lives. Rather than feeling like an instruction or an action plan that is impossible to follow at such an emotional time, a poem is much more of an artistic form of expression. Sitting with it and feeling a connection with it has the ability to open up new ways to process and consider your emotions and feelings.
Consider a comforting poem for a friend grieving, for example, and you will see that it has many of the same elements of a poem that has been written to show someone how to cope with the death of a parent. Recurring motifs such as love, remembrance, sorrow, healing, and hope punctuate the grief poem genre and are used as the foundation for imagery and lyrical language that is designed to express pain and evoke emotion.
One of the most moving aspects of grief poems, in our opinion, is their ability to honour the memory of the person who has died in a way that allows every reader to reflect on their personal sense of loss. Finding a poem that speaks to you in a way that you feel a deep connection with may help you to sit and reflect on how you feel so that you heal in a way that feels right to you.
Poems that feel like they speak directly to the heart are one of the many different symbols of grief that you may feel a connection with. Some find that a small anthology of poems for grief speaks to them, while others prefer a simple hand-written note of a single verse. The choice is up to you and is determined by how you feel in the moment — all approaches are equally valid here.
Short and powerful pieces such as “No Man is an Island” by John Donne talk about how each of us has the power to reach out and make connections with those around us. The simple act of sharing a poem of this sort with someone you care about may help them see that you are always there for them. This could be especially beneficial if you are trying to reconnect with someone who seems withdrawn or isolated right now.
Once you find a poem or a single verse that resonates with who you are and how you feel, you may want to think a little more about how you’re going to use it. Some like to write letters, others share messages online, and there are also many who feel that a funeral reading is the most natural setting. Thinking about what feels right to you may allow you to set the tone in a way that you feel comfortable with.
There are so many different funeral poems out there that sometimes you may feel a little overwhelmed by the variety. You want to be able to find something that fits with how you feel, but you also want to make sure that you find a piece without having to take too long or miss out on the ideal moment. The key is to think about how you’re going to choose the right poem by breaking it down into a few steps:
The right poem for you may be different from the poem that someone else feels a deep sense of connection with, and there’s nothing wrong with admitting that. What’s important is to be kind to yourself and patient with your emotional side so that you can strike a balance that feels natural and understandable.
Finding poems to support a grieving friend may help you with your own journey of recovery and healing because it may help you find different ways of looking at the same situation. Some find that reading poetry alone with a view to then sharing what they have found with someone they love and care about can help.
You may find that some of these non-religious funeral poems may help guide you through a journey of private healing and introspection. Each one has a unique voice and outlook on the world, allowing you to find something that helps you feel connected with your emotions and the world around you. For example, “Acquainted with the Night” by Robert Frost talks about how isolating it can feel to grieve alone and what can happen when you allow yourself to open up and reconnect.
Many people we have had the honour of talking to about their journeys over the years have talked about the comforting experience and the feeling of being understood through words. They tell us that it’s something that they never would have expected or believed if they hadn’t tried it for themselves and that now it is something they cannot imagine life without. As always, there is never any pressure, but you may find that you experience a similar journey and realisation if you feel ready.
Writing poetry to express your own feelings is something that you may find helpful as a form of emotional release. The beauty of this journey is that it allows you to change the way you look at the rest of the world in a way that is personal, introspective, and designed to move at your own pace. It might feel overwhelming at first, but if you take it one small step at a time, it becomes more manageable.
However you choose to start your writing journey, the path you take will gradually help you arrive at where you want to be. It’s a personal, moving experience that is all about moving at your own pace and feeling a connection with the world around you. If you consider creating a poem as a way to create a personal tribute to a loved one, you may find that it helps provide the motivation and drive you need to keep going when things become a little more difficult.
There are so many moving poems and stories about death that it may be hard to know where to start. In this section, we want to help you find a place to start that will speak to your heart and allow you to keep moving forward in a way that helps you heal.
One of the most renowned grief poems is “Funeral Blues” by W.H. Auden because of the way it talks about how the speaker’s world has been shattered by the death of someone they love. Knowing that someone from a different generation and walk of life felt how you are feeling right now may help you to see that what you are suffering with right now is something universally related to the human spirit. There is also the work of Christina Rossetti, most notably “When I Am Dead, My Dearest”, which talks about how peace can follow death and that the absence of prolonged sorrow can be a healthy outcome.
The beauty of these works is that they have comforted generation after generation of readers by speaking to the human spirit and condition with real authenticity. The tone, pace, and style are all chosen to work together so that they can make you feel connected with the world around you, all so you can set the tone for a healing journey where you feel heard, listened to, and cared for. Something as simple as sharing a verse that speaks to you with someone you love may help you to express how you feel when your words and actions alone may not feel enough.
Learning about how to deal with grief in a way that is healthy and supports yourself on a deeper level may allow you to set the tone for your healing journey. One of the most common ways to do this is to use the act of searching for grief poems and readings for a memorial or funeral service as a welcome distraction.
“Do Not Stand By My Grave and Weep” by Clare Harner is one of the poems that many mourners feel is suitable for reading at services and memorial services. The emotional and spiritual appropriateness of the poem is something that you may want to consider, and you can do it by reflecting on whether or not what you intend to read is appropriate for the occasion. Some also find that sharing their intentions with someone else who was close to the person who has died helps them make a decision they feel comfortable with.
Poems can be included in sympathy cards or printed programs and lend themselves beautifully to these types of mediums because of their short, emotive style. “Hope is the thing with feathers“ by Emily Dickinson is an option that you may find helpful to consider when you feel ready:
Hope is the thing with feathers that sings,
A melody that soothes and brings,
A warmth that lights the darkest night,
And guides us toward the morning light.
Taking a moment to make sure that the tone and style align with the formality of the tribute is something that you may also wish to do. A period of personal reflection and introspection may not only help you to make a choice you feel comfortable with, but it may also help you to find a deeper meaning to the words you are looking to present and share with other people in your life.
We all attempt to navigate the five stages of grief in our own way, but there are also things that many of us may share without even realising it. One such thing is the fact that reading the words of someone else may help to clarify how you feel and then come to terms with the new situation you find yourself in.
Poets often write so that they can express how they feel on paper and clarify their thinking, while the rest of us read poems because we hope to find some form of universal connection. Regardless of whether you read, write, or love to do both, the point here is that you can find new ways of looking at the world by sitting and reflecting on the power of the words that lay in front of you on the page. One day you may find a new perspective, the next you may find something that helps someone you know. Following the creative threads and allowing them to guide you through your healing journey is something that you may find makes a difference in how you feel.
We believe that everyone has the right to grieve and process a death in a way that feels right to them. Our goal is to help with practical issues, of course, such as our guide where we *compare funeral plans, or our *prepaid funeral plans for those looking to put their affairs in order while still alive, but we also go much further.
We hope that by sharing our thoughts and ideas today we have helped you to find something to anchor yourself to. Giving a little thought to the type and style of grief poem that you may wish to read is a step that could only take a few minutes, but one that may provide a key component of your healing journey.
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Yes, poetry has been written, read, and enjoyed for centuries because it has the power to convey a deeper sense of meaning than many other written forms. Even if you have never considered poetry as a pastime or something you want to learn more about, you may find that the power of one or two verses speaks for itself from the moment you read it.
“Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep” by Mary Elizabeth Frye talks about how the person who has died lives on in the memories they created with those who are still alive. “All Is Well” by Henry Scott Holland talks about how death can be seen as a transition, not an end, and how this completes the circle of life.
Exploring resources such as the Poetry Foundation will introduce you to a wide array of different tones, styles, structures, and voices when you want to mourn. The simple act of browsing and reading may be enough to connect you with a new way of looking at the world so that you can ground yourself in the moment and start to sit with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Yes, and they are all focused on giving you the time, space, and self-permission to sit and think about who you are and what you have gone through. Thinking about how the world is taking shape around you may help you set the tone in a way that allows you to lay out your own path. You may also find that sharing some of the healing poems you find with other people who are also mourning helps you maintain a sense of perspective.
Writing often begins by actively collecting your thoughts and being honest with yourself about how you feel and what you are thinking right now. From this personal, introspective starting point, the next step is to start jotting down words and phrases that you feel an emotional connection with. They don’t even have to fit together in a coherent way right now — this is all about starting the creative side of the process. Once you feel ready, the words will start to fit together in your mind and help you to clarify how you are thinking and feeling.
Mary Oliver once said: “We shake with joy, we shake with grief.” Her point here is that grief is the price we pay for joy and love in our lives and the two are far more connected than you might think right now. Some find that sitting and reflecting on how it all fits together is a chance to consider how they are feeling while also giving themselves the space they need to heal.
“Remember” by Christina Rossetti is a popular choice for those who want to be able to look back fondly on the memories that someone they love has left behind. You may find it helpful to use this poem as a starting point for your search and then take a look at other verses and pieces from the same genre.
“Nothing Gold Can Stay” by Robert Frost and “In Lieu of Flowers” by Shawna Lema are popular poems about grief that speak with real authenticity about the human spirit. You may find that they allow you to open up to yourself — and eventually to other people around you — so that you can find a sense of peace and balance deep within yourself.
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