×
Two Together: Save £100!Save £100 when you purchase two funeral plans together. Call us for more details.
Written by Emily Cross.
19 minute read
Christmas is a special time of year to many, but it is also a time when grief and emotional upset can come to the surface with greater intensity. If someone you love has died recently, or if they died during the festive period, Christmas may prove to be a particularly challenging time of year. On the one hand, you want to be able to grieve and process your emotions, but on the other, you may be aware that friends and neighbours appear to be carrying on as normal. This contrast is something that many people find hard.
The process of dealing with grief and grieving for someone who has died is a personal one, with people moving at their own pace and making decisions in their own way. While it is perfectly understandable to go about remembering a loved one in your own way, there are also ways you can receive help along the way if you feel ready.
In this guide, we’ve put together some words of comfort and support that are influenced by our many years of providing direct cremation services throughout the UK. Over the years we have had the honour of serving so many incredible people and hearing their stories, and we hope that by sharing with you today, we can play a small part in helping you to navigate the festive period.
Key Takeaways:
Knowing how to cope with the death of a parent, partner, or dear friend may become difficult during the festive period. The contrast between what you are feeling and what you see others around you experiencing may make you feel isolated and alone. The key is to be kind to yourself and think about ways you can keep moving forward.
Processing grief at Christmas may feel more intense and complex than at other times of the year because the emotional weight of the holidays may heighten sadness and loneliness. The contrast between festive celebrations and personal loss may further highlight your sense of loss and the emotions you are feeling at this time.
There are psychological and spiritual elements at play here in a way that may not be the case at other times of the year. Being kind to yourself and being aware that you may feel this way during the build-up to Christmas may help you maintain perspective on how far you have already come on your healing journey.
Grieving at Christmas is about knowing how to deal with grief at a time when you may be surrounded by people who always seem to be having a good time. Emotions such as sorrow, guilt, longing, and emotional exhaustion may all come to you at certain points during the holidays, making it feel like you’re missing out on the festivities.
It’s normal to feel disconnected or overwhelmed by traditions at this time of the year, particularly if it is your first Christmas without your loved one. Remembering this fact and being kind to yourself may help you to navigate the holidays in a way that you feel is comfortable and sustainable.
As a family-run funeral provider, we believe our role extends far beyond making arrangements and providing services. A big part of our mission is to be there for you in any way we can so that you feel supported and guided at a time when things may feel like they are becoming too much.
Considering how you might simplify or adapt your holiday plans to reduce anxiety is something that may help. It could be having fewer people over on the day, having a Christmas at home, or scaling back the number of social engagements you have on either side of the day itself. Finding a slightly toned-down version of your typical Christmas may help you manage your energy at a time when the emotional weight on your shoulders may make you feel worn out at times.
Recognising your own emotional limits and being kind to yourself will allow you to move through the holidays and come out the other side in a way that makes you feel like you are making progress. Healing takes time and requires space for reflection and grieving, slowing down the pace of your holiday to account for this may help you to continue making progress in the new year.
Some families choose to explore the different symbols of grief that are traditionally used to mark the death of a loved one in the hope that they will find something that resonates with how they think and feel. Here are some suggestions that you may find helpful at this time:
Creating moments of peace and reflection may allow you to recharge some of your emotional energy in a way that helps you cope with other aspects of the holidays. Many of us feel torn between grieving a death and celebrating a holiday with the rest of the family. Making time in your holidays to sit with your feelings and think about the person who has died may help you strike a healthy emotional balance.
Something as simple as making a habit of getting up at sunrise and walking the dog by yourself or carving out 20 minutes each day to exercise may help you find the space you need. By moving with intention and sitting with your thoughts while you do it, you may find that you can create a little holiday routine that provides some structure and allows you to continue healing.
Knowing what to do when someone dies is as much about knowing how to navigate the weeks and months that lie ahead as it is getting through the practical considerations in the days immediately after a death. The first Christmas may feel especially painful or uncertain and some even find that they get a sense of emotional regression at a time when they thought they were coming to terms with their new reality.
Some find that navigating traditions with care and sensitivity can make a difference. If the person who died used to turn on the lights, for example, you may find it helps to consider in advance how you will change this ritual. Sometimes you may decide to skip the tradition, other times you may wish to change it and make it an act of remembrance. Doing so in a way that is kind to yourself may help you strike the right balance between grieving and celebrating.
When a loved one dies, it’s understandable if you don’t feel able to continue with your family Christmases as you would if they were still with you. It’s also understandable if you still want to celebrate Christmas in some capacity. Finding a way to include thoughtful acts of remembrance may help you to create new traditions.
Decorating a memory ornament that is dedicated to the life and times of the person who has died is something that you could repeat every year. It’s a chance to be creative, express how you feel when words alone may not seem enough, and make you feel like you are still including your loved one in the celebrations and festivities. Others find that they particularly miss their loved ones during Christmas dinner, in which case you may wish to consider whether setting a place at the table for them feels right to you.
It’s also important to remind yourself that you are never alone, at this time of the year or any other. Involving family members and close friends in an act of shared remembrance may help you express your feelings and help with your healing and grieving. Placing your loved one at the centre of family life during some part of the festive period may help you to remember them in a way that you feel is also partly an act of celebration.
Christmas grief is something that it is understandable to struggle with, especially if it comes at a time when you feel like you are coming to terms with what happened. Feeling a connection with your loved one may be a case of writing a letter, poem, or card to them that expresses how you feel and shares some of your memories from previous Christmas celebrations. Finding a choice of words that you would use if they were there in person listening to you may help you to feel more comfortable and confident with how you express yourself on paper.
Supporting someone who is grieving at this time is complex and is often dictated by the timing of the death. If it has only recently occurred and you used our guide on how to break bad news to pass on the initial message, you may find that the next of kin or other close friends and relatives wish to stay in contact with you. This is just one example of a situation where making yourself emotionally available could make a real difference to someone else at this time.
Anyone trying to remember loved ones at Christmas may understandably find that their emotions become too much at times. While it may be tempting to try and ‘solve’ the issues someone you love is facing, a more effective approach tends to be to focus on being present and available:
There is no such thing as a perfect way to help someone over Christmas, so you may find the process is easier on yourself if you don’t chase perfection. Focus on being consistently present and available and you will know that you are playing an important part in helping someone who needs you.
Giving a gift is something that can show you are there for someone who has lost the person they love even when you are not right there in the room with them. Here are a few suggestions that you may find serve as a starting point when you are considering what to give:
While giving a gift is something that may make a real difference, especially if you know the recipient is feeling emotionally isolated, it’s important to try and not lose sight of the value of being emotionally present. No matter how hard you try, there is no gift that will ever make up for the space in someone’s life that appears when a loved one dies. Accepting this and seeing your gift as a symbol of the fact that you are there for them — rather than a solution to all of their issues and problems — is a healthy way to approach things.
The first Christmas after bereavement may prove to be unexpectedly challenging at times and this is something that is perfectly understandable. Taking a moment to remind yourself that help is always available, regardless of the time of day, may help you to maintain perspective during an emotionally complex time.
Reaching out for help is a strength, not a weakness, and is a sign that you are taking care of yourself in a way that is both healthy and sustainable. If you feel ready to reach out for help, services such as the Samaritans provide a listening ear 24/7 right throughout the Christmas holidays. The volunteer listeners are all trained in how to validate your feelings, listen without judgement, and help you take some of the first steps to process how you feel at this time.
If you are someone who prefers face-to-face support, you may find it helpful to contact a close friend in advance. Having someone local that you can meet up with for an hour or so every few days throughout the holiday may give you something you can anchor yourself to emotionally. By discussing your needs with them in advance, you give them the time and space to make sure that they can help you in a way that is both sustainable and healthy.
If you are someone who takes a spiritual approach to life, you may find that there are some traditions and practices that can offer comfort and grounding over the holidays. These practices could then be shaped and tailored in a way that you feel comfortable with. For example, you might find that modifying a prayer that means a great deal to you so that it includes direct references to the person who has died helps you. Alternatively, you may decide that you want to reshape traditional practices around memories of your loved one so that you feel like they are with you in some way on the day.
Christmas after the loss of a loved one may feel like a festive period that is alien or too different from anything you have experienced before. This is an understandable feeling and one that may recur each year as Christmas approaches. Sitting with your feelings — while not as easy as it sounds as we write this — may allow you to accept your emotions and recalibrate your expectations for the festive period.
For example, you may find it helps to reframe Christmas as a time when you both celebrate and remember and carve out specific times for each. This may help you achieve a sense of emotional balance and remove any guilt you may feel for being happy at certain times in the holidays. Sometimes refreshing your perspective may help you to understand how you’re feeling and reassess what is important to you at this time of year. You have the right to approach Christmas however you feel is healthy, and taking time to consider what form this may take could help release some of the emotional weight you are experiencing.
We sincerely hope that you have found words of comfort and support in our guide and that it perhaps even provides a sense of hope. Christmas is a time of year when joyous experiences appear to be everywhere you look, but being kind and patient with yourself while you are still processing the death of someone you love truly matters. Whether it is a recent death or a death that falls during the Christmas period, you have the right to grieve and process your emotions in your own way.
Over the years, we have served people from all walks of life right across the UK, helping with everything from *prepaid funeral plans for those who are still alive to providing resources that allow relatives and loved ones to compare funeral plans. Our role has taught us that grief is a deeply personal journey and one that everyone works through at their own pace. We hope you can find a sense of comfort in this insight and that you are able to be kind to yourself if there are moments over Christmas when you want to distance yourself from the celebrations.
What you are experiencing at this time is perfectly understandable and it is something that will feel more manageable as you get more time to sit with your feelings and to process your emotions.
*Terms and conditions apply. You will receive a funeral plan summary before purchase.
Our brochure includes all the details you need surrounding our prepaid direct cremation funeral plans.
Get your free brochure sent by email or First Class post by clicking on the link below.
Some people find that being alone at certain points helps them find the time and space they need to process their emotions, while others prefer to stay busy and throw themselves into the social side of things. Neither is right or wrong — it’s purely up to you to decide how you want to cope with grief. You may find it helps to remember your loved one by starting a family tradition on the day itself that allows you to feel like a part of them is still with you.
What are ways to remember someone during the holidays?
Families who are religious may decide to make a special trip to their place of worship, say a prayer, or read several hymns aloud. Others may prefer to start a family tradition such as surrounding a photo of their loved one with festive candles and displaying it in a prominent position in the lounge or dining room. Looking through old photos and home videos from Christmases gone by is another popular approach that you may wish to consider.
Maire Curie offers a telephone bereavement support service that is available throughout the holidays and manned by trained volunteers. Knowing that there is someone you can talk to at a time when it may feel like so many of the people in your life are busy celebrating could make a real difference to the way you feel. Sometimes just knowing that there is someone on the end of the phone who will listen without judging or trying to solve problems may help you to release some of your pent-up emotions.
Some find that carrying on with holiday traditions helps, while others like to try and include a memory of their loved ones so that they get a sense that they are still there in some way. A common way to do this is to have a photo of the person who has died visible from the dinner table or in the lounge. Being able to glance at them looking down on the festivities is something that may provide comfort and support at a time when you miss them.
This is a deeply personal process and one that you can navigate however you see fit. Sometimes you may find that staying busy and embracing all of the social engagements and festive activities helps, while at other times it may feel more appropriate to take a step back and have a little extra time to yourself. Something that may help you strike a balance that feels right to you is to try to plan your Christmas period in advance. A mixture of seeing others and making time just for you may help you to process your emotions.
Yes, you should never feel judged or guilty for wanting to celebrate a special time of year when you are still grieving the death of someone you love. Some may find this contrast emotionally challenging, but you may find that picturing how your loved one would want you to enjoy your Christmas may help.
People who are grieving at Christmas may ask you to sit with them for a period of time, to listen when they call, or simply ask you to carry on as normal. There is no right or wrong here and everyone will work through their grief over the Christmas period in their own way. In our experience, most people will appreciate it if you validate their feelings, avoid trying to solve issues or minimise what has happened, and be yourself.
They are coming to you for support because they trust you and value you. Remembering this fact may help you to figure out how best to support them at this difficult time. They will appreciate the fact that you are consistently present in a way that doesn’t make them feel like they are imposing on your own celebrations.
staging site last replicated: MISSINGNO.