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Written by Emily Cross.
17 minute read
Saying goodbye and offering condolences is a personal experience, though many parts are shaped by tradition, including whether to bring flowers or explore alternatives to funeral flowers. Funeral flower etiquette often divides opinion—some people bring them without question, while others prefer something different, especially if the family has shared specific wishes.
This guide is here to support you in choosing something meaningful to bring or arrange—whether you’re planning a service or attending one. At Aura, we’ve helped many families through direct cremation and supported others in planning ahead with our prepaid funeral plans. We understand that everyone grieves and prepares in their own way.
Keep reading as we share a range of thoughtful options, so you can find something that feels right for you and those you’re honouring.
Key takeaways:
Across the UK, there’s a growing preference for non-traditional tributes, as many families feel that a more personal approach better reflects their loved one. If you’re also thinking about a more non-traditional approach, there are non-traditional funeral ideas you can read about if you feel ready, as well as traditional cremation alternatives you may wish to consider. A central part of this tailored approach to funeral arrangements is to consider whether or not flowers are right for you and your family.
Some may feel that sustainability is a key factor, while others will be drawn to a more personal meaning that exists in a different form of tribute. One of the main reasons for this is that other forms of tribute may last longer, feel more personal, and can potentially help others, especially if they are of a charitable nature.
If you’re attending (rather than organising) a funeral, it helps to be aware of traditions where flowers might be discouraged:
Grief and grieving are individual experiences, and you may still wish to offer a tribute that shows sympathy and care for the bereaved. That’s completely understandable. If you feel strongly about expressing your support but aren’t sure what’s suitable, we’re here to guide you through respectful and thoughtful alternatives.
Charitable tributes can feel more lasting and impactful—not just for the grieving family, but for others who benefit from the donation. They can also be a source of comfort, turning grief into something positive. If you’re unsure which charity to support, it’s always best to check with the family first, as they may have already made a request or suggested one in the funeral announcement.
People from all faiths, cultures, and backgrounds may find that they wish to donate to charities as a tribute to the person who has died. Doing so in a way that reflects their values, interests, and beliefs can add an additional layer of meaning to the gesture that will be appreciated by the next of kin and their closest relatives.
Instead of flowers, many people choose to support a charity that reflects the values, interests, or experiences of the person who has died. It could be a local hospice that cared for them, a medical charity linked to their illness, or a cause they were passionate about during their lifetime.
Most major charities in the UK will allow you to set up a memorial account, such as the Cancer Research UK Donate in My Memory service. This simple process can take a matter of minutes and allows you to connect with friends and family both nearby and far away. The convenience of an online page means that you may find that you can raise significantly more for the good cause of your choice.
If you find a sense of solace in creating the page and raising awareness that it has gone live, you may also find that others involved experience some form of collective legacy. Using the death of someone you love as a reason to come together and give back to a charitable cause in their name may help you to heal and show you what is beautiful about death.
As a family-run funeral provider with a passion for helping families across the UK pay their respects, we know that sometimes a living tribute will feel most fitting. They can help symbolise the circular nature of life and that life is something that can take many forms over an extended period of time.
Tree planting is an eco-friendly and symbolic act of remembrance that may help provide a sense of permanence that might feel lacking with traditional funeral flowers. Gardens and parks are the obvious choices when you are searching for a suitable location, but you may also wish to consider memorial tree services such as Life for a Life.
Planting the tree in an accessible location — possibly one that holds a deeper meaning to the person who has died — can help to provide a lasting memorial area. Being able to go and sit or stand by the tree and reflect on their life may help you with how to deal with grief, and process the sometimes complex emotions that can follow a loss.
Giving potted plants or seeds
Giving a rosemary plant for sympathy may feel right as it is a natural choice for showing that you are remembering someone who has died. Not everyone will know this, so you may wish to elaborate on the deeper meaning of the gesture when giving the tribute in a card, for example.. Doing so may help you to express how you feel in a way that is befitting of the person who has died. There are also other options if you don’t feel a pot plant is right.
Scattering seeds, in particular, may fit naturally with some of our end-of-life celebration ideas if you want to make the service more about celebrating a life than mourning a death. The process of scattering the seeds may become a memorable moment, perhaps even a longstanding tradition, that helps those closest to the person who has died remember them.
Another option you may wish to consider is giving some form of keepsake or memento that the family will find comfort in.
Personalised remembrance candles and plaques are ways of delivering a heartfelt message without giving a traditional card and flowers. They will also become lasting keepsakes that hold a great deal of sentimental value. Giving a framed photo that conveys how you feel and possibly your relationship with the person who has died is another approach you may wish to consider.
You may feel that a handmade gift of this nature strikes the right tone as it shows that you have put a great deal of thought into what form it will take. That said, the family will by no means expect such a gift. Striking the right balance between expressing your sympathy and remembering the life of the person who has died may help you to decide which type of keepsake you wish to give.
If you are making a funeral checklist, you may want to add in a note about encouraging mourners to write letters or share photos and stories. You can collect everything after the service and take time to look through it when you feel ready. What you do next is entirely up to you, and there’s no right or wrong way—some people choose to get creative, others prefer to keep it simple.
Some families find comfort in creating a memory box, filled with personal items, handwritten notes, and keepsakes. Others might prefer a more formal memory book or scrapbook, which can include photos, stories, and even the order of service—especially if they want to have extra copies printed and shared. Taking a little time to think about how you want to remember the person who’s died can help you find the approach that feels right.
If you feel you want something that is both creative and personal, you may wish to consider commissioning one or more paintings or digital videos. Other ideas include creating a library of voice recordings, building a photo montage, or simply creating a Facebook memorial page for the person who has died.
In cases where you feel emotionally ready to start the creative process prior to the funeral, you may find that you wish to display what you have created at the service. This can help you have something to focus on and could also help you to express what your loved one meant to you without traditional funeral flowers.
As well as giving tributes there is also the option of performing some form of symbolic gesture. This could be either traditional or highly personal depending on what form you wish the service to take.
Lighting candles offers a reflective way to honour someone that is suitable and acceptable in many cultures around the world. The flickering and transient nature of the flame can symbolise the natural ebb and flow of the world around us while the brightness of the flame could represent the legacy a person has left behind.
Some families may decide that they want to perform some form of collective ritual during the course of the funeral. Holding up candles, or simultaneously lighting a larger candle in a central location may feel right to you. This is a personal choice and one that you should feel you have time and space to reflect on.
If you feel comfortable asking guests to write letters or notes for the family, you may decide that this is a heartfelt alternative to giving funeral flowers. Placing a memorial box in a prominent place during the service, memorial, or wake could help people feel comfortable in the letter-writing process by giving them a visual prompt.
To some, writing a letter can be more comfortable than speaking because it provides time and space to reflect on the specific choice of words. Some also find that extended letter writing can help them to process the grief they are currently working through.
It is understandable if you are reading this and still feel a little uncertain or unsure about the specific tribute you should give. Flowers may seem like a ‘safe’ choice because they are traditional, but if the family has expressed a wish not to receive any, sending some may not strike the right note. Giving some thought to your personal relationship with the person who has died may help.
Aligning your gesture with the family’s requests may be the most important thing because you will want to make sure you pay your condolences in an appropriate way. Considering the faith, not just of the person who has died, but their parents, partner, or next of kin may prove helpful at this point.
Every culture has its own traditions and customs, so trying to be sensitive to them at what is already a difficult time is something the family will appreciate. You may find that reflecting on the culture and background of the person who has died helps you to begin processing how you feel about them. Perhaps it can also provide you with a deeper understanding of things such as their place in the community, their wider friendship group, and the relationships they had with others close to them.
If you are remembering someone who was passionate about their hobby or who had embarked on a career they loved, you may find that this provides a spark of inspiration.
A teacher who was known for their work in the local community could potentially be fittingly remembered by a book donation. An artist who taught young children how to paint and draw could be remembered by donating art supplies. A keen cyclist could be remembered by donating to a local cycling club or cycling proficiency campaign.
The point here is that there is no right or wrong, but reflecting on who the person who has died was may help you arrive at a tribute or gesture that has a deeper meaning than flowers can provide.
We care about helping you to say goodbye to a loved one or relative who has died in a way that feels right to you. While to some, funeral flowers are seen as an essential item, to others, they don’t quite feel like what they want. Neither is right or wrong, and it’s by finding new ways to approach things that we can help. We can also help beyond the choice of funeral flower alternatives.
We have online resources that allow you to compare funeral plans, we can help guide you through what’s involved in one of our simple cremations, and we can do it all with a kind and compassionate approach. It’s because we care about ensuring you and those closest to you are able to pay your respects in a way that makes you feel closer to the person who has died.
When you feel ready to explore your options and want to speak with one of our team, we’re always right here when you need us.
What can I give instead of funeral flowers?
Memorial stones, pot plants, and trees are alternatives to funeral flowers if you prefer to give something different to the family. They may also have expressed a wish not to be inundated with flowers and giving one of these alternative options may help you find a way to express your sympathy.
Others look to do something of a practical nature, such as preparing meals, offering childcare, or simply being there to help out with household tasks as and when needed. Add in the fact that the family may also provide a charity that they feel is befitting of the memory of the person who has died, and you have a range of different options if you don’t wish to give funeral flowers.
Are there eco-friendly alternatives to funeral flowers?
Yes, if you still wish to give flowers but want an eco-friendly, greener way to do it, there are a number of thoughtful alternatives. Seasonal flowers that are locally sourced and sustainably planted can help to reduce the carbon footprint and environmental impact of non-native species.
The structure that the flowers are arranged around can also be changed from plastic supports to natural options like bamboo splints and moss. And if you want to give a flower that will continue to provide something long after cut flowers, a pot plant or a packet of wildflower seeds may be suitable alternatives. There is also the option of planting a memorial tree that will provide symbolism and a place for the family to gather and reflect on the life of the person who has died.
Can I donate to charity in someone’s memory?
Absolutely! Donating to charity in the memory of the person who has died can be a touching, thoughtful gesture that shows your sympathy for the family while also making a difference in the lives of others. Most charities offer simple services where an online memorial page can be created so that mourners can make donations quickly and easily. If the family has a specific charity that they wish to support, they will make this known in the buildup to the funeral service.
What are meaningful tributes to replace flowers at funerals?
Potted plants may be a suitable alternative as they can symbolise life and growth, provide a lasting tribute to the person who has died, and can also add a decorative touch. Finding a potted plant that does not require a great deal of care or needs specialist food may be preferred during a time of grief. Using your knowledge of what the next of kin likes and what the person who has died was known for may help you make the right choice of pot plant.
How do I personalise a funeral without flowers?
There are many ways to personalise a funeral without giving flowers, such as delivering readings, playing music, asking mourners to wear a specific colour, or other visual tributes. Photos, videos, and even colleges that memorialise the person who has died can help to pay tribute in a way that is both thoughtful and personal. Others may even consider natural elements such as decorative stones, wildflowers, and other materials that they feel relate to how the person who has died lived their life.
Is planting a tree a good memorial option?
Yes, planting a tree may not just be a thoughtful gesture, it is also a lasting gesture. The tree is a symbol of life, growth, and renewal in many cultures around the world and will typically be there for decades to come. It provides a sense of permanence in a world where so much around us is in a state of flux. Planting a tree in a meaningful location can also provide friends and family members with a place to go when they want to think about the person who has died.
What other non-traditional ways exist to express sympathy?
Another thoughtful option, especially if you’re wondering what to take to a funeral, is to create a memory book or gather a bank of videos and photos to share with the next of kin. If the person who has died had a wide circle of friends or led a life full of varied experiences, there’s a good chance that many images and memories haven’t been seen by close family.
Bringing something personal like this to the service, or preparing it to give afterwards, can be a meaningful gesture. It allows you to process your own grief while offering the family something deeply human and lasting—something they can return to when they’re ready. Just make sure it’s shared in a way that’s sensitive and thoughtful, keeping their feelings in mind.
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