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Written by Emily Cross.
16 minute read
Processing the death of someone you love may feel overwhelming, and that’s entirely understandable. One of the more difficult things to have to work through is attending a memorial service and paying your respects in a way that you feel is appropriate and proportionate.
It’s easy to overlook memorial gifts when you’re dealing with so many emotions. But they can really make a difference. We all approach grief and grieving in our own personal way, but having something that we can hold in our hands that reminds us that we are not alone may really help.
Over many years as a provider of direct cremation services, we have seen how so many different people have given gifts and marked memorials. Our intention with this guide is to provide you with some sparks of inspiration and fresh perspectives that may help you find a gift that feels right to you.
Key takeaways:
It is hard to overstate the emotional importance of giving memorial gifts after a death in the family. They are often used to embody your thoughts and feelings in a way that words alone are unable to express. A suitably chosen gift may provide a sense of comfort, serve as an act of remembrance, pay tribute, and give some sense of support to grieving families and friends.
Many people see memorial gifts as lasting symbols of love and memory that provide a sense of permanence by their mere presence. Being able to look at them, hold them, and think about what they mean is something that may help the recipient process how they are feeling in the weeks and months ahead.
The act of remembering a loved one is one that is both deeply personal and highly nuanced. For example, the first birthday after the death of a loved one may often be marked in a different way to the first death anniversary. Because there is no set time and place for the memorial to take place — or there may be no formal service at all — there are a variety of considerations it may help to make.
Personalisation is something that many people look at because it can help them to add a unique touch to a tribute. For example, for those who are working out how to cope with the death of a parent, giving a personalised keepsake to a fellow sibling may help to convey how they feel if they are unable to find the words. Here are some common ways that this is done that you may wish to consider:
You may want to customise a design to add a more personal touch. It could add a personal element that allows you to express how you feel in a way that giving something which is store-bought is unable to. This is why many people choose to look for artisans and craftsmen in their local area rather than shopping online.
A living memorial that grows as the years go by is something that has become increasingly popular in recent years. Having a place to go to that means something to all of you where you can sit and reflect or meet as a group and share memories of the person who has died may help you grieve and process your emotions. Living memorials can take a variety of forms and you may find it helpful to consider the following examples:
One of the benefits of nature-based gifts is that they can offer comfort and ongoing remembrance in a way that provides an important sense of permanence. The symbolic nature of these types of memorials means that you could find yourself revisiting them many times throughout the years with a changing sense of perspective. This is a key part of your healing journey and something we think may really help you.
There are so many different symbols of grief that it may be difficult to find something that feels appropriate given how you feel right now. Many families are turning towards donations and contributions to charity and beginning the process by using them as alternatives to funeral flowers. They then carry on this practice during memorials over the years so that the families and friends in attendance feel that they are making a difference in other lives by contributing.
Donations to charities have the ability to honour the memory of the person who has died, particularly if the charity is related to their life and legacy in some way. Some families find that they want to donate to a specific charity that helped their loved one while they were still alive, while others find a meaningful connection on their own terms.
Thinking about donations as a way to help your loved one live on through other initiatives is something that you may find helpful. It may help bring friends and family together as they unite around a common goal, such as a fundraising target for the year, and provide a central point of focus.
As part of our role as a family-run funeral provider, we have spoken to a wide range of people and families over the years, taking careful note of how they approached choosing the right memorial gift. We hope that by sharing a few of our experiences in the following section we can help provide some sense of guidance and support at what we fully appreciate may be a difficult time.
Our guide to funeral and memorial ideas may help you discover a few initial points you could discuss with other family and loved ones, and thinking about the act of selecting a gift may also help. Selecting thoughtful, appropriate, and sensitive gifts is a matter of considering the recipient’s relationship to the person who has died, and your relationship to both parties. You can then find something that is both thoughtful and proportionate so that you can express how you feel without unwittingly overstepping.
You may also wish to consider any cultural or religious preferences the recipient may have when choosing a gift. Thinking about how allowances and compromises could be made may help you to find new ways to express how you feel that will convey the right sentiment to the recipient.
Let us consider the first death anniversary as an example. Creating a personalised keepsake that conveys how you feel and what the person meant to you is something that will be warmly received by the recipient of the gift. Here are a few approaches you may wish to consider:
Personalisation is something that has the ability to make a gift so much more memorable and heartfelt, and it doesn’t have to be extravagant or ornate if you don’t feel like that is appropriate. The meaning of the additions you have made and the thought that has gone into them is what the recipient will sit with and take away with them.
We all try to go about coping with grief in our own way and that means a gift that is suitable for one occasion may not be quite right for another. This is perfectly understandable and not a judgement on the quality of the gift or the thought that has gone into it. Acknowledging the different aspects of various occasions will help you to find a gift that you feel will make a difference to the person receiving it.
Remembering a loved one’s birthday after their death is something that may feel particularly challenging as it can feel like a combination of reflection, celebration, and a return to some level of mourning. A living memorial is often seen as a suitable gift at this time because it can be used to celebrate the life and legacy of the person who has died in a way that will continue for many years to come. In many ways, birthday anniversary gifts will be less traditional and formal than memorial gifts or funeral gifts because of the potentially celebratory nature of the occasion. It’s a time to sit and reflect about your loved one, of course, but it may also serve as a chance to talk about the beautiful legacy they have left behind and the memories they made with you along the way.
Gifts of this sort could be given at any time after the death of a loved one, so you may find it helpful to consider some common sympathy messages for funeral flowers as a natural starting point. A potted plant that requires minimal upkeep, a book that they can dip in and out of when they feel comfortable, or a photo frame that they can fill with a picture that feels right when they feel able to are all suitable gifts.
One of the most important things here, especially if the death is very recent, is to consider whether or not the gift may feel overwhelming to the recipient. For example, a plant that requires daily watering and specialist food may not be the best choice, unless you know that the recipient is someone who derives great comfort from being busy and purposeful while grieving.
Specialised gift companies, such as The Lovely Keepsake Company, are available to talk you through your options and provide a wide array of choices when you want to find something that feels right. Specialists like this could help with visual displays of funeral poems, personalised keepsakes, trinkets, and other additions to the home that could help convey how you feel. They will typically offer international shipping options for friends far away so that you can show you care in a way that is flexible and accessible.
It’s okay to be a little unsure of where to go when you want to purchase memorial gifts because you want to make sure everything is perfect. Shopping online means that you won’t be able to inspect the quality with your own eyes, so we would suggest looking at online reviews from previous buyers. When you find a site that has been in business for many years and has glowing reviews from hundreds of buyers, you will have found a team of experts who are able to help you with the click of a button.
The right gift could help preserve memories, make it easier to start talking about death and dying, and provide a sense of permanence at such a difficult time. If you think about your gift as a way to show that you are present in the life of the recipient, as opposed to trying to make everything okay with a single gesture, you may find that the process of choosing a gift becomes less overwhelming.
You may also find that giving a gift allows you to reflect on what the person who has died meant to you on a deeper level. These extended periods of reflection are important when you want to be able to come to terms with what has happened and achieve some sense of closure and clarity so that you can move forward.
Struggling to figure out what to say when you don’t know what to say is something that is understandably stressful, but you may find that looking at some of the latest gift trends helps. Digital memorials are one such example and are becoming increasingly popular because of the way they can be quickly shaped and compiled with a high degree of personalisation. A digital memorial also has the potential to grow and evolve as the years go by, allowing you to find a place online where you can meet with other relatives and friends to share memories.
You may find that curating a digital memorial provides an opportunity to revisit previously forgotten memories and experiences you shared with the person who has died. Taking your time and working through your photos and videos at your own pace may help you to gradually achieve closure at a time when much of what you had previously been used to is in a state of seemingly constant flux.
We hope that you have found some comfort and guidance in the words you have just read. As always, our goal is to provide insights and possible directions, not to prescribe what you should or should not do. Hopefully, you have found a few ideas or perspectives that you may wish to consider in more detail once you feel emotionally ready.
At times like this, it is understandable if you also begin to reflect on your own legacy and what it will mean to your surviving loved ones. If you feel ready to begin the conversation, our experts can help you *compare funeral plans and talk you through how our *prepaid funeral plans work for those looking to put their affairs in order while still alive. Even just knowing that these services are out there may provide a source of comfort at a time of reflection.
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Giving a picture frame, a plaque, or even a house plant with a personalised pot are all things that you may wish to consider. Putting some thought into your gift by reflecting on what the person who has died meant to the recipient of the gift may help you narrow down your options.
A picture frame that they can then fill in a way that feels right to them is one of the most common gifts because it is both flexible and thoughtful. Others find that giving a plant that they can water and watch grow over the years helps to provide a sense of permanence. The best approach may be to think about your relationship with the family and how you can reflect it in a gift.
Yes, there is a wide array of different services that allow you to send a memorial gift online, and you don’t even have to go to a specialist website. Sometimes you may find something in an interior design store or an art store that you feel is right, in which case you can order it as you would a regular purchase for your own home.
A gift that is thoughtful, meaningful, and provides a sense of permanence will be warmly received by the recipient at this time. A period of reflection and thought may help you to find a gift that you feel covers these three things, and it’s important to note that it doesn’t have to be expensive or part of a grand gesture. Something that shows the family they are in your thoughts is what we’re really looking for here.
A memorial gift that comes from the heart and encapsulates what the person who has died meant to you, as well as what they stood for and meant to their family, might be the best approach. Finding a gift that covers all of this may feel overwhelming right now, and that’s something that is perfectly understandable, but working through things one step at a time may really help. Taking your time and thinking and reflecting on how you feel about the various choices you make could help you narrow down your options.
Giving a donation to a charity that means something to the family — perhaps even a charity that helped their loved one — may help continue their legacy in a fitting way. Finding a sense of community in giving to charity is something many people find helpful as well as it gives them something to hold onto at a time when so much else in life may feel like it is changing.
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