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Sympathy Messages for Funeral Flowers That Comfort

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17 minute read

Sending a sympathy message to someone who has recently experienced the death of a loved one may be something you have done before, or it may be daunting and unfamiliar. If you consider the fact that everyone grieves and comes to terms with death in their own way, finding the right choice of words may become complicated. 

Including a message with funeral flowers is a traditional way to acknowledge grief and death in the UK, and it is something that you may wish to consider. Taking a moment to think about the choice of wording and how it can help you share your wishes at this time may allow you to find the right tone and sentiment. 

Today, we want to go beyond simply offering things such as our direct cremation services and show you that you are never alone when it comes to every aspect of the grieving process. In the following sections, we will guide you through everything you need to know about sympathy messages with funeral flowers so that you can pay tribute in a way you feel comfortable with. 

Key takeaways:

  • Sending funeral flowers with a sympathy message is a traditional way to express condolences in the UK.
  • Sympathy messages should be brief, sincere, and respectful, keeping in mind the family will read them.
  • The tone and language should balance personal warmth with an air of formality.
  • Messages can be personalized depending on your relationship with the person who has died and their family.
  • Offering ongoing support to the bereaved beyond sending flowers is crucial and greatly appreciated.
Message of love
Including a thoughtful message with flowers can offer real comfort and show the bereaved they’re not alone.

Purpose of sympathy messages on funeral flowers

As a family-run funeral provider, we understand the importance of paying your respects in a way that you feel comfortable with. Sending funeral flowers is one of the most commonly practiced traditions in the UK, and the inclusion of a sympathy message or note adds a personal touch that can show the family you are there with them. 

Messages are included to show where the flowers come from, that the sender is present in the family’s lives, and that support is always out there for them. Common focuses of such messages include acknowledging the sense of loss, expressing sympathy, and honouring the person who has died.

Many people may find it hard to talk about death and dying, especially in the days and weeks immediately after the event. For this reason, you may find that keeping to a formal, compassionate tone that has a touch of personal warmth is the approach you feel most comfortable with. 

When and why messages are included

When the family is dealing with the death of a loved one, showing them that they are not alone is something that can make a real difference. Flower cards are typically used at the funeral, wake, or memorial and serve as symbolic gestures of love, respect, and support. 

Many families will choose to keep the cards long after the flowers have been respectfully disposed of. Doing so can help remind them of the level of support they received at the time and let them know that they were not alone at any stage of the grieving process.


Tone and language

The compact size of a funeral flower card means that brief, sincere, and respectful language is typically deemed most appropriate. Warm and welcoming phrases such as “We are thinking of you,” or “You are in all of our thoughts” may help you strike the tone you have been searching for.

Even if you had a lighthearted and casual way of speaking to the person who died — perhaps they were a close colleague or best friend from school — it’s important to remember the card will be read by their family. Finding a balance between personal warmth, authenticity, and respect is important here so that everyone feels comfortable with the final choice of wording.  

How to write a sympathy message for funeral flowers

We completely understand that it may be hard to find the words that convey your feelings, that’s why our step-by-step guide will talk you through everything you need to know: 

  • Keeping your message brief at no more than 3 lines will ensure that it strikes the right balance given the size of the funeral flower card 
  • Focusing on warm, heartfelt, and authentic language that has an air of formality about it as it will be read by the family is important
  • Making sure that the size of the card is proportional to the size of the floral arrangement may also help convey your wishes in a way you feel comfortable with 

Taking a moment to consider each of these key points may help you find the right balance and deliver a message that shows the family they are in your thoughts. 

Structuring the message

A simple opening where you express your sympathy for the family and next of kin is the most common approach. Once you feel comfortable with your choice of words, the next step is often to express love and a sense of remembrance. An alternative is to pay a personal tribute as if you were directly addressing the person who has died. 

Ending a funeral flower message can feel especially difficult—it’s natural to worry that your words might seem too brief or abrupt. A thoughtful way to close is with a simple expression of continued support, reassuring the family that you’re here for them, whenever they need you.

When structuring the message, you may also wish to consider the nature and style of the funeral so that you can match your choice of wording and the type of flowers. For example, our article on understanding intimate funerals may provide you with insights into how to approach a funeral that has a very small number of close family and good friends present. 

Personalising the message

Many of us think that British funeral etiquette errs on the side of emotional restraint and understatement, as in the past this was very much the British way of dealing with grief. While this may still be the case for some, many see society as more open today than it was a century ago when much of the funeral etiquette you are aware of was created. 

With this in mind, you may wish to consider adapting the message depending on your relationship with the person who has died and their family. Using their first name and their relationship to you, best friend, cousin, auntie, may help to add the personal sentiment that you have been searching for.

Even if the person who has died was not religious, their family and other close friends may follow a particular belief system. In this case, taking a moment to consider whether or not your choice of language is accommodating any cultural sensitivities that may be present is something the family will greatly appreciate.


If you are looking for other sources of inspiration or if you find reflecting on your words helps with the grieving process, you may find our guide on eulogy examples helpful. 

Message examples by relationship and tone

Sometimes learning how to cope with grief is a matter of seeing how others go about certain steps and then following in their footsteps. With this in mind, you may wish to take a look at the following examples of different message styles: 

  • Emotional wording for a close relative or partner: “It is with a heavy heart that I come to see you are gone, but I want you to know that you will never be forgotten.”
  • Respectful wording for a friend or distant relative: “You will be deeply missed and I am grateful to have known you. May we meet again.”
  • Formal wording for an acquaintance or colleague: “My best wishes to the whole family. David was a loyal friend and someone who helped everyone he met.”

The key thing we notice here is that the more removed from the inner circle you are, the more likely it is that you will feel comfortable defaulting to a more formal, traditional style of message. Remembering that the card may be read by people you have never met could help you to maintain perspective and judge the wording right. 

Writing to the immediate family

Giving flowers to the family is one of the most widely observed British funeral traditions because it can serve as both a symbol of remembrance and a display of your presence in their lives. 

Writing in a way that reflects the close emotional bonds the two of you built during the course of your relationship may strike the right tone here. The use of heartfelt language will be accepted by the family, as will a turn of phrase that reflects a shared feeling of grief and a collective sense of remembrance. If you know the family well or are a close relative, you will typically have the freedom to express how you feel.

Writing to friends and neighbours

Writing to the family of a friend or neighbour may require a style of writing that is a little less emotional and a little more geared towards expressing sympathy and offering support. Using softer, more neutral language that avoids any deeply personal references is something you may wish to consider here. 

One of the more difficult parts of writing these types of funeral messages is that you don’t wish to come across as cold or detached, but at the same time, you may not feel it is appropriate to unload your emotions on the reader. Trying to remain warm, genuine, and authentic in a way that is friendly without being overly emotional may help you set the right tone. 

Writing to colleagues and professional contacts

Using a respectful and formal tone that’s appropriate for the workplace can help you express sympathy with sincerity while maintaining professionalism. If you were part of a larger team, a single card signed by the team may help the family place you and understand your relationship with their loved one. 

In many cases, you may have never met their family or next of kin, in which case the use of personal anecdotes or overly familiar language may be something you wish to avoid. Seeing yourself as a representative of the team and checking your message with a few trusted colleagues can help ensure it expresses both sympathy and respect appropriately.

Religious and non-religious options

Not everyone is open about their religion or belief system. There may also be cases where a friend or colleague is largely agnostic but their family is religious. In cases where you are unsure about the religion and denomination of the person who has died and their family, you may find it is easier to avoid direct messages of faith or belief. 

Although you may be including a prayer or line from a religious text with the best of intentions, you may find that you have unwittingly caused offence at what is already a difficult time. Taking a step back and admitting to yourself that you do not know the person who has died well enough to include this level of personalisation is not a sign of failure — it is a sign that you are aware of the feelings and sensitivities of the family. 

UK etiquette and considerations for funeral flower messages

While there are many different symbols of grief, sending funeral flowers remains one of the most recognised and culturally universal displays of sympathy in the UK. Many flowers have specific meanings that have been part of British culture for centuries.

What to avoid writing

We all have the right to freedom of expression, but there are times when we may wish to be more considerate of the feelings of others than we typically are. The death of a loved one is certainly one such occasion. Common phrases that come up in conversation but that may not strike the right tone on a funeral card include: 

  • “Everything happens for a reason”
  • “He has gone to a better place”
  • “This is even worse than when…”
  • “You never know how much time you have left”

Finding choices of words that are neutral and warm may be something you struggle with and that’s perfectly understandable. Here are some suggestions that you may find helpful: 

  • “John will be deeply missed”
  • “You have left behind some truly wonderful memories”
  • “You will always be in my thoughts”
  • “Emma had the ability to light up the room”

If you have found out that a colleague or a friend who was acquainted with many people in your life has died, you may also find it helpful to consider our guide on how to break bad news. Finding turns of phrase and examples of different tones could also help you write a note to go with your funeral flowers that you feel comfortable with. 

Formatting and delivery tips

Fitting the message to the floral arrangement is something that will be done by the florist if you so wish, but in many cases, this will restrict you to a typed note. If you feel you want to add the additional personal touch of a handwritten note, having the flowers delivered to your home and then delivering them personally once you have written the message may be appropriate. Many floral arrangements will come with a clip that allows you to display the card prominently so that the family can see you have left a message. 

If you do not feel close enough to the family to deliver the flowers personally, you may find that you want to have them sent on to the funeral home. They can then be used by the funeral director as part of the service and put on display during the preparations for the service. 

Supporting the bereaved beyond the flowers

Where possible, you may wish to consider offering support after sending flowers. Simple follow-up gestures that reflect ongoing compassion and care will show the family that you are still present in their lives and that you want to help them in any way you can. 

Many families and next of kin can be left feeling isolated once the funeral has been and gone as they may feel that everyone else has simply returned to their normal lives. Being present and attentive to their needs will show them that flowers are simply the beginning of the comfort and support you are able and willing to offer them. 

Examples of follow-up gestures

Here are a few small things you may want to think about, because each of them could make a big difference to how a loved one is feeling on any given day: 

  • Sending a longer card or letter that conveys your feelings and gives the recipient plenty of emotional space may help them to process what has happened at their own pace 
  • Calling the family regularly with no expectation of an extended phone call or talking about your own issues is something they will greatly appreciate — this is all about being present 
  • Sending a gift in the months ahead that reminds them of a shared memory or past event may help show the family that they are still very much in your thoughts right now 
  • Organising a day out to a memorable location that meant something to the person who has died may provide everyone with a sense of collective support 

Remembering that just because someone doesn’t immediately take you up on an offer doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate it is important here. By being kind to yourself and patient with the people you are trying to help, you may be able to help them navigate key parts of the grieving process. You may find it helpful to focus on small persistent gestures rather than grand events. Those who are grieving may simply not want any fuss or attention — they just want to know that you are there for them when they need you. 

Aura is here to help 

We care about helping you with every aspect of the grieving process and are passionate about doing far more than simply arranging funerals. Our goal is to serve as a helping hand and place of support for anyone in the UK who is looking to mourn the death of a loved one in a way that feels right to them. 

If you feel it helps, we have created a guide that allows you to compare funeral plans and find an option that feels right to you. We can also help you with your own affairs through our *prepaid funeral plans that enable you to get everything in order while you’re alive. 

Regardless of whether or not you choose to explore our services or resources, we hope you find comfort in every interaction with us. This guide has been focused on helping you to find a natural choice of words that conveys the tone you are aiming for, and this personal approach is something that runs through everything we do.

*Terms and conditions apply. You’ll receive a funeral plan summary before making any purchase.

Kim Greenacre
Kim
Amy Rees
Amy
Tracy Field
Tracy
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FAQs 

What to write on funeral flower cards?

A short acknowledgement of the grief the family is experiencing followed by a heartfelt show of sympathy and possibly an offer of help or support is a common choice. You may wish to read your words out loud to check that you feel happy they sound natural and personal. 

Are short messages appropriate for funeral flowers?

Yes, the cards that come with funeral flowers are typically small and compact so a short message is the most common choice. Focusing on being present and available will show the family and next of kin that you are there for them — it’s not solely about the wording on your card. 

Can I send sympathy flowers with a message?

Yes, including a message is a way of conveying sympathy while also showing the recipient where the flowers are from. Think about it as a way of extending a hand or hug and you may find that the words come more naturally to you. 

What not to write on funeral flowers?

Many people choose to avoid anything that may unwittingly minimise grief or look too far ahead and risk diminishing the way the person is feeling. Focusing on warm, personal language that shows you are present may be the best balance to strike. 

Should messages be addressed to the person who has died, or family?

This is very much a personal choice and depends on how close you are to each party. If you are very close to the family, you may find that you feel more comfortable addressing them directly. If you have never met the family but were acquainted with the person who has died, you may wish to direct your message to them and tell them how they will be missed. 

Are religious messages appropriate on sympathy flowers?

Religious messages are typically welcomed by many people, although there are certain cultural and religious sensitivities that may need to be considered. If in doubt, focusing on the human side of grief and letting the reader know that you will be present in their lives should they need you may be the best compromise. 

How do I personalise a sympathy flower note?

Writing it in your own handwriting and using a natural choice of words that feel like you are speaking directly to them may allow you to strike the right note. Focusing on warmth and love rather than literary originality is something many people choose to do here. 

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