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Written by Emily Cross.
15 minute read
Finding a way to pay your respects and say goodbye when a loved one dies can be both challenging and highly emotional. For many, the words spoken during the funeral committal have a deep emotional pull, and stay with them for years. Making sure the words feel ‘right’ may take time and thoughtful reflection.
As providers of direct cremation services designed to give families the freedom to pay tribute in their own way, we understand the importance of balancing tradition with personalisation. When making funeral arrangements, you want to know the occasion will be a fitting tribute to the person who has died.
To help you on this nuanced journey, we’ll guide you through the finer points and varying perspectives surrounding funeral committal words. We hope you find comfort and inspiration in the passages that follow.
Key takeaways:
A funeral committal is one of many long standing British funeral traditions. It centres on saying goodbye to the person who has died. These words are typically spoken at the burial or just before cremation.
In a funeral service, the ‘committal’ refers to the final act of laying the person to rest. This may be through burial or cremation, and it’s often seen as a vital part of the grieving process, offering a formal and meaningful goodbye.
Both religious and non-religious people may see the committal as a symbolic act—committing the person to the earth, fire, or water. For some, this marks a passage into the afterlife and is accompanied by prayers, popular funeral hymns, or spiritual rituals.
Different families, cultures, and belief systems will naturally have their own views on what a funeral committal should be. Finding a balance between the wishes of the closest relatives and including others from the wider circle of the person’s life can be helpful.
Regardless of the nature of the cremation ceremony or the memorial service you are organising, it may help to introduce yourself to some of the more common types of committal words. You are never under any obligation to choose from the following examples, but you may find that they can serve as starting points or sparks of inspiration when you want to create your own choice of words.
Many religious committal words focus on peace, rest, and spiritual return. A traditional example might be:
“Into your hands, Father of mercies, we commend our brother, Tom, in the sure and certain hope…” If you’re unsure about specific wording but want a religious element, these themes may guide you:
If you prefer to have a humanist or civil celebrant deliver words of a secular nature, there are a wide range of different options at your disposal. Because such funeral committals are not typically steeped in the same level of tradition, you may find that a greater level of personalisation is possible and that this may require a period of extended reflection.
Gentle language that is respectful, inclusive, and calming or soothing may strike a balance that you feel is right for the occasion. Talking in a soft and personable way so that everyone feels heard and accommodated on the day may help to bring everyone together, regardless of their belief systems or views on life and death.
Writing is something that comes naturally to some but may feel daunting to others. At its heart, writing a funeral committal is the last step in a process that is predominantly about sitting with your feelings and considering what the person who has died means to you. Breaking the process down into several key steps may help you to arrive at a choice of words you feel comfortable with.
Keeping words respectful, heartfelt, and appropriate is mainly a case of thinking about how the person who has died was viewed by those closest to them, as well as how they approach culture, family, and friendship. For example, if you are speaking on behalf of the family, you may want to consider how they would talk to one another when sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Are they a traditional family that appreciates an air of formality? Perhaps they are more open and progressive in the way they talk and believe that sharing emotions is key to healing. Taking some time to think about them, not just the person who has died, may help you adopt a tone that everyone feels comfortable with.
The funeral committal is generally more formal and more concise than other spoken parts of the service, so you may wish to take this into account. Finding a balance between being concise and impactful, but without running the risk of being overly brief and coming across as dismissive, may allow you to tie everything together.
Inserting references to memories, quotes, or values that were meaningful to the person who died could each help add a personal touch. One of the issues you may face here is that British funeral etiquette may take the side of formality and tradition in many circumstances, so you might not feel comfortable personalising the committal too much. In which case, you may find it helps to speak with a close relative so that you can compare your thoughts, feelings, and ideas regarding the specific choice of wording.
The interment ceremony is a gentle, reflective moment for the interment of ashes. Whether held at a cemetery, woodland burial site, or private garden, this part of the service allows family and friends to say a final goodbye in a quiet, personal setting.
You don’t need to say a lot. A few sincere words can mean just as much as a longer speech. Here are some examples that you might use as they are, or adapt to suit your own thoughts:
“We now lay [Name] to rest in this peaceful place. May they be surrounded by our love, always.”
“In this final act, we honour [Name]’s life and the love they gave. They will stay with us in memory and spirit.”
“As we place [Name] into the earth, we do so with deep love and lasting respect.”
“Let this be a place of remembrance, where we return in thought or in person to feel close to [Name].”
If you prefer something even simpler, that’s okay too:
“Goodbye, [Name]. We love you.”
“Rest peacefully.”
“Forever in our hearts.”
Including others
You might invite a few people to share a short line or memory before or after the committal. This can add a comforting sense of togetherness and helps everyone feel included.
Practical tip:
Make sure your chosen words can be easily read outdoors—sometimes with wind, emotion, or uneven ground to consider. Having a printed copy on a sturdy card can help.
A graveside committal will traditionally be a brief, solemn choice of words such as: “We release [Name] into the warmth of our memories.” While family members sometimes decide they wish to deliver the graveside committal, many families ask the choice of officiant or celebrant to carry out what can be a highly emotional duty on their behalf.
Many families who are cremating a loved one choose committal phrases based on the idea of “Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.” There may also be times when you simply don’t want to think about the choice of wording and prefer to entrust it to someone with experience. A funeral celebrant or religious officiant will have a great deal of experience in finding the right choice of words and will be able to provide direction in this instance.
Either a family member or the officiant or celebrant who is conducting the funeral service will typically deliver the committal words. Considering the impact that each can have may help you make a decision you feel comfortable with.
In faith-based funerals, the committal is typically delivered by a religious leader such as a rabbi, imam, or member of the clergy. While tradition plays a big role, many are open to discussing personal touches in advance.
Other families find that having loved ones read or write a series of committal messages can add a deeper sense of meaning and connection—especially when there’s no particular faith or belief system being followed. One thing to bear in mind is that traditional religious services often come with a clear structure, which can be reassuring. A fully personalised approach offers more freedom, but may also feel less certain without that framework.
Being sensitive to both the emotional needs and cultural expectations of those attending may help prevent any potentially upsetting funeral arrangements disagreements. With this in mind, it can be helpful to discuss your plans with a few close friends or relatives before the day.
While some may speak publicly on a regular basis through their work, others may never have done so and find the prospect overwhelming; the same is true of writing. Taking time to explore the guidance below may help ease any nerves or uncertainty, so you can pay your respects in a way that feels right for you.
You may also find our guide on how to write a eulogy helpful as it includes a variety of tips covering things such as reflection and getting your thoughts and feelings down on paper.
Reading even a short passage in an emotional setting is something you may find challenging on the day. Giving voice to the words you have been working on for so long may bring up emotions that you have not previously experienced or addressed. Practicing your delivery by speaking aloud with a friend could help you to find the right approach for you. Knowing that you can pause to compose yourself or perform a mindful breathing exercise to settle a sudden surge of anxiety can be empowering.
A short, authentic funeral committal delivered in a way that you feel comfortable with is generally a healthier approach to take than attempting to achieve word-perfect delivery of an extended piece of prose. Being kind to yourself and reminding yourself that you are paying tribute, rather than attempting to achieve a flawless performance, may help you to settle any nerves you might be experiencing at the time.
We all have the freedom to shape the committal in a way that feels right to us. Even so, it’s worth considering how your words might affect those around you. Language that feels too formal or impersonal might not strike the tone you’re hoping for—especially at a moment when everyone present will be listening closely and reflecting deeply on what’s being said.
You may also find that being mindful of diverse beliefs and sensitivities throughout the wider family and your loved one’s circle of friends can help. Everyone will listen to your words and use them as a starting point to say their own farewell soon after. Finding authentic, welcoming, and accessible words that everyone can anchor themselves to to some degree is an approach that you may find helpful to consider.
We hope that our words and ideas have provided you with some support and peace of mind at a time when you are understandably dealing with a complex range of emotions. As a family-run funeral provider who sees our role as extending far beyond merely making arrangements, we take pride in being there in every way we can.
If you have found that recent events have led to you reflecting on your own affairs, for example, we can help by introducing you to our *prepaid funeral plans. We also have a continually growing library of online resources designed to offer simple explanations and helpful ideas that cover all aspects of moving forward when a loved one dies.
*Terms and conditions apply. You will receive a funeral plan summary before purchase.
Phrases such as: “We gather here today to say our final goodbye to John, who was deeply loved and will be greatly missed,” are common. To many, they strike the right balance between authenticity and sincerity, all in a way that is concise yet emotionally powerful. You may find it helpful to take several such phrases and then consider how to add your own personal elements to them.
Yes, memories, stories, anecdotes, and quotes can all be added at your discretion so that you have a passage that feels connected to the person who has died. You may find it helpful to sit and reflect with someone else who was close to them so that you can arrive at a choice of words that you both feel is a fitting tribute to someone you love.
A common example of traditional wording is: “We commit this body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Although the religious element may not feel appropriate for those who are non-religious, the idea of your loved one returning to the earth and the cycle of life starting afresh is a concept that you may feel connected with.
Common examples are Psalm 23 (“The Lord is My Shepherd,”) which offers solace and guidance, as well as John 14:1-3 which includes Jesus’ words about the promise of a place in His Father’s house. Some families may find great comfort in the traditional nature of such texts as it helps provide some sense of permanence or tradition at a time when many other aspects of life may be undergoing sudden or unexpected change.
Everyone will grieve and reflect on death in their personal way, so there is no set process or formula you have to follow. Many find it helpful to walk or sit while reflecting on what their loved one means to them. Giving yourself the time and space you need to reflect in this way may allow the words to come to you more naturally than if you were to try and force yourself to start writing right there and then.
A minister, priest, religious officiant, or civil celebrant will typically read the committal words, but you do not have to feel constrained to these choices if you don’t wish to. Some families find that they prefer a close friend or relative to read the committal words.
The committal words typically serve as the final step in saying goodbye and can act as a key part of the healing process for those attempting to navigate grief. You may find it helpful to think about them as a way of directly addressing the person who has died. Others in attendance will then use your words as a starting point for their own personal farewells.
Committal words that both acknowledge a profound sense of loss and serve as a lasting act of remembrance may bring great comfort to the family. They may only take a matter of seconds to say, but they could be remembered for the rest of the lives of many of those in attendance that day.
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