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Written by Emily Cross.
15 minute read
Sometimes one of the more difficult aspects of organising funeral alternatives can be coming up with unique ideas in the first place. This is understandable, given everything else going on and the emotions you are trying to process. During this time, you may find it helpful to research, come up with a list, and share a few ideas first to discuss with others.
As a family-run funeral provider, we talk with people from all walks of life on a daily basis and hear about how they are choosing to mark a death in the family or celebrate a life well lived. We can support you with direct cremation services, share end-of-life celebration ideas, and in this guide, explore funeral alternatives for when a loved one has already died.
We hope that you find a source of inspiration, perhaps even a sense of comfort and support, by reading the following words.
Key takeaways:
Creating a funeral arrangements checklist is one of the main tasks or roles that you may need to undertake in the days and weeks after a loved one dies. While some families feel most comfortable with a traditional approach, others will look to honour the person who has died in a different way. The choice is very much up to you and those closest to you.
Many people seek alternative funerals and non-traditional ideas, and there are also many who feel that a traditional funeral is the right fit for them and their loved one. The choice is one that is deeply personal and for the close family to make.
Here are a few things you might consider:
We hope that by presenting you with some unique alternatives you can find something that feels right and appropriate to commemorate the person who has died.
These types of events primarily focus on joy, memories, and sharing life stories rather than mourning. While anyone may find a celebration of life appropriate, some families feel they are particularly appropriate when remembering a young member of the family.
Because you are no longer bound by tradition, you may feel you have far more freedom to personalise the ceremony. Examples of how some choose to do this include music choices, such as incorporating modern funeral songs or even fun and uplifting funeral songs, speeches, locations beyond the traditional church setting, and sometimes even the use of humour where appropriate.
Something as simple as changing the venue from a church or crematorium to an outdoor space that meant something to the person who has died can change the tone of the event. Being outside and feeling connected with them by being somewhere they loved to be may help to change the way some of the more traditional members of the family approach the day. It may even help to foster the sensation of feeling the energy of your loved one, even after they’re gone.
Some families choose to have informal memorial services that stand alone without the addition of any form of formal service. These are sometimes private or family-only ceremonies at home, or something perhaps a little more open in a public space such as woodland or a nature reserve. Others prefer our intimate funeral service and that’s something we’re always available to help with.
There are some who find that the lack of structure is refreshing and allows them to process the death in the family how they wish. Being able to simply meet and then talk with close family and friends without the added pressure of feeling like you have to abide by certain unwritten rules could help remove a degree of pressure.
Alternative ways to remember a loved one also extend beyond the traditional choice between a cremation vs burial. Taking a look at the options some other families choose may help you to decide what feels right for your family.
Natural burials and woodland burial sites offer a chance to allow the person who has died to become one with nature. This may feel like the right choice if they were spiritual, felt a deep connection with the world around them, or if you knew they were very eco-conscious.
A green funeral can take many shapes and forms, with no strict traditions or layers of formality. That said, they are often typified by several key features that are not typically present when organising a traditional funeral:
Other choices involve the overall environmental impact of the ceremony, such as:
Water cremation is an eco-friendly process that uses a specific combination of gentle heat, water, and an alkaline solution to help break down the body. Although legal but not fully rolled out in the UK at the time of writing, it may offer something of an interesting alternative for those who wish to minimise their environmental impact:
Efforts are currently ongoing in the funeral industry to develop a standardised way to carry out water cremations. The goal is to make them safe for all involved and for the environment as a whole so that families have an additional eco-friendly option to consider.
Human composting turns remains into nutrient-rich soil that can feed plant life and continue the cycle of life for those who feel spiritual or deeply rooted in nature. Although it is not currently legal in the UK, there is a growing movement that is pushing to change this.
Recomposition has become increasingly common in some U.S. states where it is being seen as the natural next step in green funerals. Some families choose to plant a tree in the soil that has been enriched to create a personal form of living memorial. Having a place they can go to that grows and evolves over time can help them process the death of a loved one by showing that life always continues, but that sometimes it simply decides to take on new forms.
Even if you decide not to look into this idea further, you may find that simply reading about it helps you process your emotions. Thinking of life as something that always continues, but just in a different form, may help you look at death in a new way. That said, if this just doesn’t feel right for you, there is never any pressure to conform to a particular way of thinking or school of thought.
Having a memorial for a loved one is something that you can do in a wide variety of ways — the most important thing is that you find something that feels right. You may find that reading through some of the ideas below helps you to clarify your thinking somewhat:
Some families also feel that it is right to set up a live stream so that those who are unable to attend can still feel connected to the moment. Elderly relatives, friends and family who live abroad, and those who are sick or recovering from a recent operation may all appreciate such a thoughtful gesture.
Selecting a service that aligns with the personal values and beliefs of the person who has died, as well as the wider family, may feel like a heavy weight to carry. There is understandably a sense of responsibility if you are the one primarily organising the funeral, as well as a feeling of pressure to make sure everything goes as expected. If you find that you are becoming overwhelmed, you may find it helpful to consider some or all of the following:
Most importantly of all, try to be kind to yourself by acknowledging the fact that you are also processing your own grief. It is natural, at a time like this, to feel caught in two minds or in need of a break. Practicing self-care may allow you to get the time and space you need to work on your emotional energy and process your loss.
Sometimes, you may find that it is helpful to compare the costs of traditional and non-traditional options as you may feel there is a more suitable way to allocate your budget. Our guide on direct cremation details may help at this point as it talks you through one of the more flexible and affordable options. We have also created a guide that introduces you to the details of a no-fuss funeral that you may find helpful as well.
There are also times when you feel like you want to blend elements from the past with personal touches, creating an occasion that is perhaps more spiritual and personal than it is religious and formal. Some find that our guide on the history of cremations can provide insights and direction here as it takes you back to the spiritual roots of this now-traditional practice.
The most important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong here — only what feels appropriate given what you know about the person who has died. They may have expressed specific wishes in their will, in which case making an effort to abide by them will be something that many in attendance greatly appreciate. And if no direction has been left, but something just feels natural, you may find you wish to trust your instincts.
Once you have made your choice, you may also find that it is helpful to communicate the non-traditional nature of the event to the wider family. By letting them know in advance, you give more traditional or religious members of the family time and space to get accustomed to the more personal approach you have chosen to take. This will allow them to immerse themselves in the day and may help them feel comfortable with how you are all coming together to pay your respects and remember the person who has died.
We sincerely hope that our guide has helped provide you with some ideas and sources of inspiration you can go away and think about.
If you are reading this and want to take a closer look at some of your options, we are always available to help you compare funeral plans. Likewise, if you are planning a funeral alternative and have naturally begun to think about what you would like your own affairs to be when you die, we can help with our prepaid funeral plans. Sometimes simply hearing your options and then reflecting on them can help you make decisions that feel right. Terms and conditions apply.
If you have any questions, would like a brochure or simply would like a chat through our services, our award-winning team is here to help.
Unlike other providers, we won’t hassle you with constant calls. We’ll simply ensure you have the information you need and leave you to come to a decision in your own time. When you’re ready for us, our team will be ready to help.
This is very much a personal question with a unique answer for every family and loved one. You should never feel judged or pressured into a particular funeral alternative if you don’t feel completely comfortable. In our experience, many families find that reflecting on the wishes of their loved one helps them come up with, and plan, the right alternative to a traditional funeral.
A celebration of life ceremony is non-traditional and as such it can take a wide array of different forms. You may feel that this sense of creative freedom allows you to better remember and celebrate your loved one.
Planning will typically involve choosing a time, location, and venue before communicating these key details with family, friends, and other loved ones. You may wish to consider music choices, songs, poems, or long-form readings and eulogies. These ideas are just a starting point — a celebration of life ceremony is all about remembering someone you love in a way you see fit.
The move to green choices is gathering pace in the UK, and for some, this extends to eco-friendly burials. In such instances, embalming will typically be avoided and the use of biodegradable coffins and shrouds will be preferred to wood or metal. A natural setting, such as a permitted meadow or area of woodland, may also be chosen instead of a traditional burial plot in a cemetery.
Yes, a skilled artisan will be able to turn the ashes of a loved one into jewellery. This is typically done when working with gemstones and when adding inclusions to existing materials. There is also the option to create a small gemstone capsule that can contain ashes and be worn on a necklace as a pendant. The choice is very much a personal way.
Biodegradable urns are designed to break down when placed into contact with water so that you can consider a range of different eco-conscious ash burials. Some use natural salt urns that dissolve in a matter of hours in seawater, while others prefer recycled paper or wood.
There is no shortage of creative options if you want to scatter ashes in a way that is non-traditional. Mixing ashes with concrete and then depositing the structure in the ocean helps serve as a reef for marine life. A number of companies will custom make a firework that spreads the ashes when it explodes in the air. Others look to scatter ashes at sea or in a secret place where only they know.
Your DIY memorial can take any form you like and creating it may help you heal emotionally and provide a sense of closure. Stonework, pictures, carvings, lighting, and epitaphs are all things you may wish to consider. This is a deeply personal project and one that you have plenty of time to think about.
Yes, a growing number of companies will scatter ashes in low-earth orbit and beam back a video of the event. This is something that you may wish to consider for a loved one who was known for their sense of adventure or who you know would appreciate the sentiment.
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